Tuesday, 29 July 2014

A letter to my husband

Recently another one of my friends has got divorced. It was no surprise to anyone given the state of their relationship. What is sad is that their children are in the middle of it.

These are not bad people, but their emotions are so strained at the moment and they are just wrapped up in their own worlds. Their poor kids hear stories and accusations about the other parent and there is a huge battle over access.
It got me thinking how this could be prevented. The best way, I think is to sort things out when you are in love rather at the time when all you can see is how lousy the other person is

So here is
 My pledge:
I promise to re-read this letter if our relationship ever gets to the point that we are considering separation. I ask anyone who loves me or my children to force me to re-read it if they think that I need to.
Dear Husband,

Firstly I love you. I honestly have no expectation of ever having to use this letter. But I do recognise that almost 50% of relationships end in divorce and it would be incredibly smug of me to assert that it is not a possibility.

There are things that you could do that would make me consider divorce and there are things that I could do that could make you want to divorce me. But whatever the reason, regardless of weather it is amicable or we hate each-others guts I will never let our children get stuck in the middle. I recognise your love/ respect/ faithfulness to me is entirely separate to your love for your children.

I promise:

1)      I will never speak badly about you in front of our children, or in any way that may get back to them.
2)      I will never speak badly about your new life partner to our children.
3)      Even if the split is entirely your fault I will work with you to tell our children and present it as a joint decision and not lay blame.
4)      As long as the children are safe and happy in your household I will never deny you access. I will attempt to sort out a custody arrangement that is in the best interests of our children rather than what I want.
5)      I will do my best to maintain a relationship with your parents and ensure that our children spend time with both sets of grandparents. I will instruct my parents to refrain from speaking about you in a negative manner in front of our kids.

6)      If I decide to do something vindictive against you I will first consider how it will affect our children and only proceed if there is no chance that it will get back to them.

7)      I will at all times during this process think of our children first.

I hope that you will also sign this pledge.

All My love.


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